How to make a redneck soaker hose

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Being from the mountains of southwestern Virginia, I am a foremost expert on redneck ingenuity. I have learned to make do with any and all great resources that are readily available to me to do the job, from duct tape to hammers. The most ingenious idea I can remember for some time was how I saw my grandpa make a redneck soaker hose. He took the 50 foot garden hose that he had purchased earlier that morning and cut little slits into in with a carpenters knife. I asked him if he had lost his mind for doing this. He told me no, but it wasn’t worth his time or money to buy one of those high dollar rotating soaker hoses that they sell at the general store. After he cut the slits in the hose he took it to the section of yard that needed to be watered and laid it on the ground. Then he told me to go hook it up to the outside spigot and turn it on. I did as I was told, even though I still had my doubts that this method of ingenuity would actually work. When I turned the water on, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The old man had actually made a redneck soaker hose that was not only watering the 50 foot section of grass and perennial plants he needed in the yard, but was also spraying water high enough in the air that it was a good cooling mist on this hot sultry steamy summer day. I have to give it to my recently dearly departed grandpa for teaching me these easy redneck inexpensive ways of doing things around the house, but this way of soaking the yards and wildflowers was absolutely and completely ingenious. Kudos pa for teaching me how to make a redneck soaker hose. However it is best to buy one from a garden center.